Her Pain
by Dannie7
Summary: Un-Betaed...Hints at Ron/Hermione, past mentions of Non-con;   "They didn't have to teach me about blood purity-I'd seen what marks half-bloods had left on the magical world."  Hermione experiences a life changing event at the end of the war


Disclaimer: I don't own anything made by J.K. Rowling

The stinging pain in her leg keeps her grounded in the large bed, feeling as though there is a gulf separating her and her snoring bed partner. She hopes that she didn't cut too deep and that the will be enough blood on the sheets to further her illusion. Ron had never questioned her when she told him that she was a virgin, hadn't even doubted for a minute that she was keeping herself pure for their wedding night. He will expect her to be somewhat standoffish about having sex again so soon and she will have time to cope with the new circumstances. It had been a very long time since she had been intimate with a man and this was her first time acting as a willing participant.

_I have to do my duty, do what is expected of me as his wife and keep up the façade as it's all I have left._

It was as the Aurors were racing around the country that she had been captured by Rabastan Lestrange. His sister-in-law had told him how to get in Grimmauld Place without detection and without even Kreacher in residence they suspected he had been living there for several months before she managed to run into him in the library. She still remembers the crazed look in his blue eyes before he stunned her and she awoke in another place, shackled to the wall. Her disappearance for two years had caused a media sensation and panic in the general populace.

_Nobody is safe even in this day and age._

Her reappearance in the Auror office and the tale of her rescue by Lucius Malfoy had made newspaper headlines. Nobody wrote about her haggard appearance and how it looked as though she had been to hell and climbed her way back into the land of the living. They had her evaluated by St. Mungos and placed on a round of depression medication, warned her friends to look out for signs of suicidal behavior.

She remembers the unease that appeared on Minvera's usually stern face.

She remembers the all too knowing look on Molly Weasley's face.

_Nobody is captured by Death Eater's and escapes unscathed._

Even to this day Narcissa Malfoy avoids her eye, afraid of finding out if her suspicions are true. She constantly has to resist the urge to laugh hysterically in the woman's face, tell her that her fears are totally unfounded. She doubts the woman would even believe that her husband, hater of all Muggles, actually managed to save a Muggle born and give her a refuge. She doubts the woman would believe that Lucius managed to be the gentleman he portrays himself as and helped her when she desperately needed it.

_Nobody deserves this even someone like you. _

On cold days she can still remember the bitter winds biting into her cloak, making her cheeks rosy as she walked up the hill to the orphanage. She remembers staring into clear blue eyes before laying the Moses basket on the doorstep, making sure to tighter the blankets as a warming charm would alert the Muggles. She remembers hearing the baby cry as it was buffeted by the cold wind and hiding behind the bushes to make sure someone responded to her knock. She remembers sitting in the snow and wondering if she was doing the right thing or if she was repeating past mistakes, creating another mad overlord for the magical world.

_Another half-blood abandoned in an orphanage-another dark ruler for the world._

When September hits she sometimes thinks of the child, wonders if the baby was magical. She sometimes thinks that maybe there is another brunette know-it-all at Hogwarts, impressing her professors with her superior intellect. Her thoughts aren't always positive as she remembers how the child came to be and wonders if the fate of a half-blood Slytherin is different in these times.

_Another half-blood led onto the path to darkness and destruction with no redemption in sight._

She has nightmares at times about what she managed to create. She doesn't worry about him attacking her any longer-she saw his Kissed body, saw his body burned in an act of revenge which few were privy to. Her dreams are now filled with a brunette in her image and strange glowing eyes attempting to take over where the Dark Lord left off. She has dreams on Harry or Ron being killed mercilessly by her creation, of her parents being killed by another crazed half-blood filled with power lust.

_Insanity always ran through their family._

She doesn't lie when she says she can't have children, although the reason people assume is always incorrect. She went to a Muggle doctor to become infertile because she fears making another, of creating something else that could one day be a threat to her world. She dotes on her nieces and nephews and she always sees the empathetic smiles on her sister-in-laws faces, as though she is compensating for her lack of children. They don't understand that she knows their children are better than anything that could come from her ragged womb. When suggestions about adoption are made she just smiles charmingly and promises them she will consider it-she is lying outright as she fears getting another child like the one she made.

_They didn't have to teach me about blood purity-I'd seen what marks half-bloods had left on the magical world._


End file.
